Pokerface
by RoseHarrow
Summary: A lot of angst, a little Faberry friendship.


**The Game**

The game is played with a standard 52 card pack where no suit is higher than the other.

A wild card is the only exception to the standard ranking. It plays an unpredictable role.

Within poker, winning is achieved through a combination of strategy and luck.

Each player is dealt five cards, of which they may choose to keep or throw down.

Once a hand is dealt the gambling begins.

A player might call, raise or fold; this is determined by their hand and what they might believe their opponents to possess.

At the end the cards are laid down and the winner identified by the highest hand.

Sometimes is it hard to win; no matter how the cards are played.

Cards are ranked as follows (descending order):

- Five of a Kind

- Straight Flush

- Four of a Kind

- Full House

- Flush

- Straight

- Three of a Kind

- Two Pair

- Pair

- High Card

**CAUSES**

It is perhaps the one thing that is universal to us all, perhaps the experience that ties us all together; across language, across culture; across distance.

It is life and the reverse; it is death and the sorrow, the despair, the cycling of grief.

It is suffering.

For we all grieve; be it for family, friend, pet or stranger.

For we all feel; be it for others, for the world, for the self.

The process of mourning is a long, drawn out cycle for some and a rapid emotional out pouring for another. Any resistance to grief is inevitably torn down.

The process of understanding and coping within life is never-ending; regardless of resistance to emotions, to rejection within social interaction, to abuse, to neglect, in the end we all release our feelings.

We externalise.

The denial of the release of tears cannot last; one last reminder or something out of place may act as a trigger. It is not so terrible to cry.

A man might stand alone and continue; organizing food, organizing people, organizing for order and control; only to find the unscheduled comfort of a companion to be the beginning of a fracture, the destruction of a damned well of sorrow.

Coping strategies vary, but the end does not.

* * *

**Stage One: Denial**

Noun: declaring to be untrue, a refusal to accept

The house is filled with the murmur of anxiety and regret as the girl lies across her bed. Death is unkind to those with the misfortune to make his acquaintance.

_ Laid; the cards are put down, dealt with a glance to fate and fortune._

When she first hears the words they mean nothing. The girl nods in acknowledgement at the doctor and slides away. She must escape, must run to where they have no meaning.

_ Put down cards. Pray to god that your luck may change._

As she eavesdrops from the hall the situation becomes no clearer.

She's not going well. Who isn't? It's nothing to do with her. Keep going it's time for school. She must be ready for the new day.

_ Full house; three cards and two cards, each set of the same rank._

Not a lot of time. Haste has no relevance for her. Bad things don't happen fast. It's in all the books; after all despair must be built up. Or there is no story. Why are they panicking?

_ Bet; call and place your money, dollars and decimals are all the same._

Have to say goodbye. They have to say farewell? Why, there's plenty of time left, right? Do it later. Procrastinate. Life will wait.

_ Raise; an opponent increases the amount and lifts the stakes._

It's too late. This is wrong. It is never too late, ever. They have all the hours, seconds, the world has to offer.

_ Showdown; lay down the cards, show them, display._

My condolences to you and your family, a stranger tells her. Only it's not a stranger. It's her not-quite-a- friend. It's Rachel.

The truth is there, in their voice, that's when she knows. It's all true.

She missed it; she was too late.

_ You lose._

* * *

**Stage Two: Distance**

Noun: remoteness in manner, the state of being apart

_Across the table they deal cards._

_One, Two, One, Two,_

_It's an equal and fair division._

The glee members glance towards one another and away to their hands.

_Ace, Jack, King, Jack, Ten; All hearts_

_Pair_

The tragedy hangs in the air as Schuester attempts to set a theme for the week.

_One, Two, One, Two,_

All of them, pretending that they can't see the bereft boy in the corner of their eyes.

_King, Nine, Ace, Eight, Jack; Diamonds_

_Straight_

All of them, pretending that the blond girl hasn't modified her cheer uniform with a black armband.

_One, Two, One, Two,_

The half-composed song of support lies in Rachel's bag.

_Queen, Jack, Seven, King, Ten; Clubs_

_Flush_

She doesn't think it would be well received.

She knows what Quinn would say, "Berry, putting someone first? Please."

But Rachel doesn't want that kind of attention.

_Divide the deck._

The glee club struggles through the hour.

_Cut the cards. Lay the game. Begin._

Later tonight, they'll all have their own space.

Grieving is personal.

* * *

**Stage Three: Desolation**

Noun: bleak, sadness or despair

_Poker is a game of chance; an element of luck, or a lack of, can affect the most strategic play. _

It takes precisely three days and four hours for reality to take hold as amidst banter the Quinn falls apart.

She flees to the bathroom and, braces herself against the closed door, cries.

The only thing is that she should have checked for occupants, she guesses she was lucky that her audience consists of a solitary girl.

Berry.

(Just her luck)

Rachel holds her; allows her to sob, to hiccough, into her stupid ugly sweater.

_One must develop a 'poker face'; an ability to shield emotion from other players in order to out manoeuvre them. _

Quinn doesn't really mind letting Berry see her like this.

It's the sweater, she swears, it's amazingly comforting.

_But when the cards are low one must make a choice. _

So she remains, clutching Rachel.

And she finally acknowledges reality.

_Sometimes, it's impossible to win._

* * *

**Stage Four: Demise**

Noun: formal term in relation to death

In new crisp clothing, from a certain place in town, two girls bow their heads. Not touching as agreed. Both know any contact would fracture fragile self mastery.

_The flutter of booklets sounds faintly like the shuffling of cards._

Time perversely slows now that there is no need; each moment seems infinite.

The priest chants. The family speaks. The congregation sings.

None of it has any meaning.

_Hearts, clubs, diamonds, spades. Fifty-two cards together. Dealt; five to a hand. _

Not in the light of the tiny wooden box before them.

Besides them, Puckerman's knuckles turn white in his tight fists.

Black ribbon pinned to his clothes, in his sole acknowledge of his religious practice. In this, he's allowed the mother the leading role.

Quinn is in control.

_But surely life should be easier than this._

* * *

**Stage Five: Deception**

Noun: to trick, to deceive

They part; everyone goes separate ways.

_They exchange cards; by silent understanding hearts is left behind._

Not a word; not a sound but of trivial, fluttering farewells.

_The cards may again be shuffled and dealt._

Around home and around school; everything is fine, everything is good.

_In the background the cards are laid. _

So words have no meaning. So the ache where their hearts must be softens with time, with distraction.

So they may lie to the world, so they may act; or must try.

_One, Two, One, Two _

_Jack, King, Eight, Ten, Queen; Diamonds_

Do they win?

Perhaps.


End file.
